Accordingly, see you in Mexico!

Post from G-1 Billion, http://g-1billion.org/?p=3536〈=en

Note: This is an oversimplified and brief reaction at 6am in California. Have been up since 4am catching up on where I left off last night with the negotiations. I woke up shocked to see they were still in session, but selfishly, a bit relieved I could see the final hours of the meeting live. I was limited to 400 words, and in my state I feel they're not the "best", and I have yet more catching up to do now, but this is my quick initial reaction. And for those that are way more pessimistic... well, at least I know I've got John Lennon on my side. :)

--

It is Saturday December 19, 2009, just past 3m in Copenhagen, and the meeting has just ended. The negotiators of COP15 have valiantly pulled an all nighter. As the chairman now winds down the session, not all or many heads of state remain, but even in the late late hours last night, many were still there. You could hear the exhaustion in everyone’s voice, even the translators. Sheer determination. Incredible.

So where are we now?

There is an accord. While the Conference of the Parties to the United Nation Framework Convention on Climate Change does “take note” of this document, it is not yet completely clear what this means. Amongst the Parties, some see it as a great start, although clearly these negotiations will need to be furthered. Some see it as nothing but a miscellaneous document that deserves no real attention, as it is not officially an UNFCCC agreement.

So what is to be made of such a document? How should one react to this? Frustrated? Grateful? Anxious? Excited?

I choose all of the above. It is dually a great start and just that, only a start. While it may seem unconventional >zing!<, I am moved by the understanding of our leaders of the importance of this meeting, and how badly civil society wanted to see action. An outcome. Not just talks. They have worked to arrive at an agreement. A direction. Certainly it is not enough. But I have to say, at 5am last night, I wasn’t sure if anything would come of COP15 besides only frustration and disappointment. I am of the mind that a start is indeed better than nothing.

I quite like the definition of accord as a verb: to be in agreement or harmony; agree (dictionary.com). “The Heads of State, Heads of Government, Ministers, and other heads of delegation present at the United Nations Climate Change Conference 2009 in Copenhagen” are in agreement or harmony over key matters, such as, that they “underline that climate change is one of the greatest challenges of our time” (Copenhagen Accord). I know it is not enough, and time will tell if it is too little too late, but this is still quite a milestone. And as was a key theme I felt at this conference, even from those most passionate about about the issues, like the IPCC chair, I feel there is still hope.

Heads of state take the stage...

From G-1 Billion, http://g-1billion.org/?p=3246〈=en

The talks heat up further. Amongst the increase in arrests, demonstrations, and ngos being shut out, the circus is getting wilder - the heads of state are now taking the main stage. Some protesters were just whisked away from the stage shouting “climate justice now!”

Speeches on behalf of the EU, Africa,... and currently on stage – President Hugo Chavez! Classic Chavez - quoting from a book on stage, denouncing the rich countries, and in particular the US. “Capitalism is the road to hell. Socialism is the way to go.”

A direct message to US and China from the EU: “Please unleash your potential. Make it possible for the world to stay below 2 degrees.”

Many are worried about the direction of the talks now. Of all that has been done in these two weeks in Copenhagen, the reigns are now being taken by the head s of state. They may or may not take heed of anything that has come to pass. Still, I am inspired hearing and seeing so many heads of state come together and speaking so passionately about climate change. It is definitely a new era.

The other day a friend of mine working for the Alliance for Climate Protection the last 2 years was appalled by the masses at the Bella Center. His face was twisted in confusion, he said: "Where did all these people come from? When did people start caring?"

“You are brilliant and the world is hiring.”

From G-1 Billion, http://g-1billion.org/?p=3217〈=en

After the honeymoon. After the glamor of being in Copenhagen fades, at the end of your first day you are struck by disempowerment and disillusionment.

• You feel very small in the midst of all the ongoings.
• You are humbled by the extent to which other youth and others have been working in this movement and how little you have done.
• You feel lost trying to follow the lingo of scientific and political discussions.
• You feel frustrated at the pace of these discussions.
• And you feel helpless at being able to make any impact while being here.

Thank you, Alex Steffen for coming to the rescue! Alex is CEO and Editor of Worldchanging.com, a nonprofit media organization covering the world’s most innovative solutions to the planet’s problems, inspiring readers around the world with stories of new tools, models and ideas for building a bright green future. (Check out the site! But be warned, you may get sucked in for hours…)

Alex framed change as needing far more than the marginal change of “living green”, but not as formidable or one-dimensional as becoming a full time activist or politician. The entire crowd was moved by example after example of change happening, not a fantasy. Highlights:

• Systemic Change Needed. Living green is marginal, e.g. the real problem with cars is not what’s under the hood, hybrids won’t save us.
• People are changing relationships to products and brands, i.e. post ownership models, e.g. carsharing can decrease cars by 6 fold (I have a friend leave NASA to work on this!)
• Measurement. Prius effect – two people driving the same car, driver with efficiency meter will be more efficient, home monitoring systems will rock. See http://www.google.org/powermeter/
• De-cooling brands is becoming cool: Check out http://www.fuh2.com/.
• The economy of the future is not being made on a corporate campus in a closed system – innovations needed are coming from young creative developers converging in cities with open cultures that foster their creativity, see http://metrixcreatespace.com/

Alex ended his presentation with a quote from Paul Hawken: “You are brilliant and the world is hiring.” Will you apply?

PS: As a matter of change and effectiveness, I suppose not every session can and should be designed to inspire individual action, with an understanding of the collective needs as this did… or should they?

Getting to the Meat of Climate Change

From G-1 Billion, http://g-1billion.org/?p=3093〈=en

Present meat consumption in industrialized countries is unsustainable. Taking meat as a case-study, this session will discuss how far governments can go in influencing lifestyles of their citizens.

Netherlands Environmental Assessment Agency, Institute for Environmental Studies, Wetlands International

Disclaimer: Calm down carnivores. This was not a session banning all meat consumption. Not all consumption is environmentally catastrophic; it depends on consumption levels, treatment of animals, feed (pastures vs. grains), etc. Still, in industrialized countries, meat consumption levels are unsustainable.

Arriving at the event, we were met with a lunch buffet largely consisting of salmon, beef, and chicken. Not a promising start. Thankfully, before long we had great speakers taking the time to discuss the fundamental questions– What determines lifestyle choices? And if unsustainable, what can institutions do to positively change these?

I had first been posed the question of individual choice in high school. In a workshop about identity at the University of Michigan, the facilitator asked participants to write down the % your decisions you believe you control. I wrote 75%, erring on the low side sensing that it must be a trick question, and aren’t I so smart for not writing 100%? The facilitator, however, wrote something like 5% or less. >SHOCK<

And indeed the panelists echoed these sentiments. One explicitly said: “It is impossible to look at consumers as sovereign actors.” Carolyn Steel, author of Hungry Cities, explained the role of cities in influencing society, i.e. one definition of cities could be: places where people generally don’t produce their own food. It’s transported in, creating a cultural invisibility of food, making unsustainable and unjust decisions easy.

And what can institutions do to alter behavior positively? Indeed, as Carolyn well articulated, “the most unpopular policy you could ever have are telling people what they can and can’t eat”. But as the situation now stands, governments do not currently have control of the food supply – corporations do, and this is a problem. The panelists recommended that the single most effective measure a government can take it to give visibility to the fact that your health and the planet’s health are linked.

What do you think: What determines lifestyle choices? And if unsustainable, what can institutions do to positively change these? And how will this impact developing countries, as prosperity rises?

COP15 First Impressions: Disempowered and depressed. Privileged and appreciative.

Written December 12, 2009....

Today, my first day at COP15 was an emotional, mental, physical, spiritual roller coaster. Before even arriving at the Bella Center, the evening before upon arriving in Copenhagen, in the airport, I casually bumped into two friends at a café. One holding is copy of the Economist with the Climate Change special report, both having just spent 2 days at the conference, just very casually about it all: Yeah, just be prepared. Its just so many people. Anyways, what are your holiday plans? I was then picked up at the airport by a high school friend I hadn’t seen in at least 5 years – also a three time COP vet. The casual chat we had over lentil walnut burgers at her co-op was near reaching capacity for my extremely sleep deprived mind. Everything from the different types of youth NGOs, to the merit of their differing approaches, to the difference of this conference to other conferences... while the pace and tone of the conversation was very calm and conversational, I was bursting at the seams in excitement to be already hearing her worlds of wisdom.

The next morning, after waking by 7:00am to make the shower schedule (she’s hosting a slew of “non-governmental delegate)….. I entered my first ever UN conference. >Pause for effect.<>

Despite the early start and rush I missed my writer’s team meeting, so chugged some coffee, grit my teeth, and head into plenary – COP, followed by CMP. Hip hip!!! Flashbacks to Model United Nations in high school slash legislation in AIESEC slash BAWB slash all even better. Freaking badass. Walked in. Plugs for laptops seemingly ubiquitous. Settled in front row of observer section, middle >think best possible spot at a movie theatre, you know, right there in the center of the screen<. Oops. Forgot to get my trusty grab and go translator. BAAAAAAAAA. Don’t smile too big, they’re judging you.

So then the session starts and slap: I realize I’m an idiot and this is way over my head. Fuck’s sake. Damn shit. Luckily my friend Erin shows up and we literally gchat through the whole thing, where someone says something and I write: “wait, what’s AWG LCA stand for again?” Or… “um, I don’t get adaptation…” Or…”so, did Saudi Arabia just say they don’t want Kyoto but they still want Kyoto?” :)

Great start. We’re both high on geekdom. We head to the Holland House for a side event on MEAT! Meat: How far can governments go in influencing lifestyle. Woohoo! Ok. The topic and speakers were awesome, but I’d be lying if Erin didn’t give the extra push on this even by hanging a carrot in front of me… and by carrot I mean free food. YES. >I would like to take this minute to note that yes, there is in fact a twitter dedicated solely to reporting on which side events are providing free food.<<

Before going into the session I passed a woman I was sure I’d met before. I thought, goodness, is it possible she from Jordan? Then Erin said: hey, she does look familiar. At which point i realized she was from a recent TED Talk I watched. YAYYYYYYY! Caroline Steel, author of Hungry Cities. For info about the actual session, check out: hyperlink. Erin, a friend of hers, and I were all typing furiously throughout the whole sessions, greedily and geekily hanging on their [speakers] every words. Urm… I may or may not have gone up to Caroline at the end and actually said, “Hi. I’m sorry. This is my first day here and you’re my first mini-celeb. Can I take a picture with you?” Its so NOT like me to do this. I haven’t asked someone for a photo with me since meeting Al Weiss at Disney World! Oh dear. I’ve lost all sense of decency. WOOHOOOOO!

I went to a quick interview about gender and climate justice, then a side event about engaging the private sector in the UNFCC treaty development and implementation at the EU pavilion, then head out to see the wrap up of the march and demonstration. Yup. Just your typical afternoon. Sometime around the EU side event, I crashed and got lower during the rest of the day until just recently. Some combination of the sleep deprivation, meandering around alone in a sea of 37,000 delegates, hearing so many words I didn’ t understand, seeing the range from super researchers to the crazy hippies to the super organized and professional activist groups, hearing the remarks at the demonstration about sacrifice and the type of agreement we want to see (fair, ambition, binding), I just suddenly felt super alone and disempowered. Even spiraling into thinking of what best to do with my life to be able to sleep at night.

You would assume that coming to this conference, you get inspired and empowered, but actually, being here, you can better see the complexities, divisions, and sheer weight of that must be shifted with so many people in the midst of these discussions. Wow.

I was low for some time, but then a quick chat with an amazing friend reminded me that I was damn lucky to be here, so I better stop my moping and get my eye on the prize. “Either go to sleep or leave Copenhagen if you’re not going to be focused. This is an important meeting. You are very privileged to be there. You had better make the most of it.”

Reminder: Check out http://www.g-1billion.org/, the blog I am writing for here.

COP15!!!

Right, so a quick round of introductions…

COP15. In a nutshell, this is a UN Climate Change conference. This particular conference is very important because it is meant to set the plan for reducing emissions after 2012, which his when the first term of the Kyoto Protocol ends – which is a protocol where many (but not all) developed countries set emissions targets. Crazzzzzy amounts of heads of states are coming. Craaaaazzzy amounts of NGOs and press are here. Its kind of a big deal!

G-1 Billion. Why am I here? I’m reporting for G-1 Billion: As the world’s first all-youth event-specific press agency, G-1 Billion represents a unique new model of real-time media distribution. Stay tuned to G-1 Billion for the freshest COP coverage in town. Check it out: http://www.g-1billion.org/

I’ll be posting anything I blog for G-1 Billion on my blog as well.

Personally I'm here because of a few reasons:

1. I work in sustainability, which encapsulates a LOT of topics, one of the many of which is climate change. I have a background in 2 of the 3 pillars of sustainability (economics and sociology), but am very interested in and least informed about the environmental aspects. Figured it would be humbling as hell but worth it to to jump into the deep end head first.
2. I am one of the many people who know climate change is worrisome, but doesn't know what to do about it. I wanna see what the movement looks like; one cross section and view of a change movement coming together. Having studied social change, this is CRAZY fascinating seeing all the actors and approaches.
3. A good gen y, my life and work are connected to bettering the world, which I've tried to do from different angles. This time around, I'd like to do so with my writing. I love writing but have never written "publically" - so its exciting and scary to be part of a writers team. Woop!

KK, back to blogging.

In nine months...

Here we go again. About the enter the final quarter of this contract. This gig. This pit stop. This life. This world. The questions come again. A reevaluation of Self. Stand. Values. Virtues. Vices. Needs. Wants.

What have these 9 months engendered? Whereupon have I arrived? What direction will these final 13 weeks? How will the path be tread? ...sprint or jog, walk or drive, alone or en masse...

What is present?

Excitement. Doubt. Fear. Disappointment.

Anticipation. Longing. Mood swings. Resonance.

Switch!

Most of my life, my ideal holiday would involve leaving the US.

And lately, my ideal holiday is going to the US. Funky chunky.

Schooled.

OMFG. Just got back from the gym. I decided to try out the new oriental dance (aka belly dancing) class they have. Me being DUMB, I thought - cool, should like most such classes I've taken - slightly watered down for the foreigners eager to try.

Um, no.

It wasn't long before I realized I was the ONLY non-local in the room, e.g. the only person who didn't grow up watching and rocking this shit my whole life. EFFING BRILLIANT.

I was falling behind a lotttt at the beginning when she was doing the "standard moves" they all knew, but between the much more familiar moves she started selecting and my sheer stamina to shake, I was keeping up with the best of them by the end. Wow. Oriental dance class with people who are born naturals is a whole new league of fun. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw!

Home Sick

I was born July 25, 1983. My passport was first stamped May 11, 1984. Of course, this first big trip was with my family, but it wasn't long before I was taking trips without them. In middle school and high school I loved school trips and summer camps. Although I lived on my college campus just 40 minutes from home, by the time I started my sophomore year at college, I'd spent more time on internships in Florida and Suzhou than in class / in Michigan. In each case, I constantly met people crushed by homesickness - yes even at college I consoled Michiganders. It always seemed so strange to me. I couldn't imagine ever feeling like that.

Then sophomore year I joined AIESEC, whereby I traveled to 26 more countries, and become a temporary resident of Canada, the Netherlands, and now Jordan. Things changed a bit in AIESEC, with regards to seeing people being homesick. Folks in AIESEC pride themselves on strength and determination in the face of challenge or differences. Not letting any difference shake our values of tolerance and understanding. While to my hometown friends, living in Jordan is absolutely inconceivable, to my AIESEC network, its just another match.

Well, its happened. I'm homesick. I am not superhuman. Damnit.

There are numerous factors that can set the stage for homesickness, how intensely homesick you are, and how long and often you feel homesick. In my case its partially because I've never felt home was so inaccessible, based on available resources like time, money, and distance (I'm not that much further than, say, the Netherlands, but transit time with stopovers is a whole lot hairier / requires even more time off work). Its partially because I'm here for a 12 month contract and at 6 months, the pending decisions I'll be making lead to questioning how long I want or can handle to be away from home, and if it would ever be possible for me not live in the US permanently again. And finally, its partially because, if I look back, I chose to feel this. I remember ending my AI year, having been in 20 countries within 12 months, and thinking: my brain has been stretched but something is missing - I was always on the go, which was hard, but also meant when something was uncomfortable, I knew it was only a matter of time when it would no longer affect me. Jordan, amongst the many reasons for coming, was part of learning I wanted, of being in an environment I might not be comfortable, and couldn't just say - sod it, next!

So I decided to reflect upon my feelings, and also share them. It’s refreshing and uplifting, not depressing, for me to do so, so I can be conscious of, appreciative of, and learn from what I am experiencing. I feel at peace recognizing that this isn’t easy. Sometimes, because amongst peers moving to Jordan is so normal, and because we expats try so hard to be strong, that we fool not only the people around us, but ourselves, into thinking this is a cake walk, and become self critical and surprised when low and behold, it sometimes isn’t. And I almost feel like its not fair to only share to only tell people about all the amazing things I’m learning about the society, politics, culture, and business, the new people I’m meeting, and post pictures of the crazy cool places I’ve have the privilege to see.

So here’s a quick snapshot of the tough side and my experience of homesickness:

It isn't easy being an American, to move to a developing, Muslim, Arab, Arabic-speaking country. It isn't easy never knowing what the rules are, and if you thought you learned them, they change. It isn't easy adjusting to big cultural differences - like people telling you something that is not true because they are trying to help, but you feel you’ve been lied to and have subsequently wasted exorbitant amounts of time and energy using false information. It isn't easy not being able to speak the native language, and therefore always need to ask others for help, feel like a burden, and need to wait for others to make time or care >sometimes, naturally, they don’t<. Its not just about the wait, but the helplessness of not being able to do simple things like set up your internet. It isn't easy wanting to just settle in, but have people gawk and stare at you every single day. It isn't easy never allowing yourself to be excited about anything anymore, because things are inevitable to change, so disappointment is veiled by the misuse of “inshallah”.

And its just as much about the cultural challenges, as the inner conflict at every moment of frustration or intolerance. Being American, you feel you have this chip on your shoulder to be particularly culturally sensitive, so people won’t assume you’re ignorant, as they almost always initially do. And as it is about missing home. Just hanging out family and friends who know you and love you and don't judge you nearly as pettily and quickly as new people inevitably do, just based on less encounters to create a perception from. Or the moment you crave picking up something from a store that isn't here.

And here again is another disclaimer, in closing, in fear of seeming utterly intolerant and negative: this isn’t a tirade against living abroad, or in Jordan. Although, we are all inevitably ignorant and to some extent initially intolerant of what we have never seen, which Sarah eloquently reflects upon. This says nothing of all my learnings and smiles here. Like I said, its just empowering for me to be conscious (in a balanced way) of what I'm experiencing. >self pat on back for taking this challenge and for being homesick for the first time<

If you give a mouse a cookie...

Now that I have a car, I miss drive-thru Starbucks. :(

bffs in Jordan

My bffs in Jordan:
1. Excel
2. my planner
3. tupperware
4. desiree
5. ale
6. Betty
7. Tricky
8. tomatoes
9. sparkles
10. useless

Ale's bffs in Jordan:
1. cigarettes
2. basics
3. potatoes
4. tv
5. shirley
6. mohammad & mutaz
7. 2nd circle showarma
8. her bed (until 3pm Fridays)
9. tricky
10. useless

Me & Ale's un-bffs in Jordan:
1. "welcome to Jordan"
2. taxi drivers
3. spies
4. rich kid's brother
5. Ramadan
6. acting concerned when actually just spying
7. scary early morning prayers
8. strange woman and man monkey donkey neighbors
9. dropping the "drunk" bomb
10. Jafra

Ale & Shirley's special moments in Jordan:
1. monkey moments - precious
2. stop chewing when people are looking game (Ramadan)
3. scary forehead bright orange hat man
4. car stopping nai mansion night
5. amigo's night 1 - martin's good morning tap
6. "gotta feeling" at embassy
7. extremely happy charades
8. mais karaoke lasanga salad story telling night
9. being 100 meters behind everyone in zarqa ma'in
10. landlord interview
11. 80s singing police report night
12. douchebag night - "I know you do"

Identity in Amman

In 10th grade, a friend and I went to a weekend class at Umich about "identity." At that point I didn't know or understand the concept, but it was beginning of a deep love affair with introspection.

An activity we learned which I have done since then, sometimes once a week, sometimes one a year, but every year since then, is simple: you just take a sheet of paper and write "identity" at the top and then start scribbling all the things that are a part of who you are.

Since that time, the next step of this activity I experienced in college was looking at this list and saying: in my current context: which am I most aware of? Least aware? Bring privilege? Limit opportunities? Other are most aware of?

For both, the idea was to get a glimpse of the breadth and depth of things that influence how you behave, your lens of the world, how you are perceived, and how you interact with others. Yes, of course, many of these things are "labels" - cue moans- but consciousness of these social groupings, not defying / ignoring them, is what empowers you to make conscious decisions.

I was running through these exercises this morning and realized this is an interesting way to look at the experience I am living here in Jordan. Nothing too novel or shocking but still helpful to set it out and look at it and I felt more inclined to do this as a means of sharing, as opposed to an overdue what's-new-in-life-what-cool-learnings-and-things-have-I-experienced update. May come, but not today! Toooooo formidable today.

ID List: Abridged list of what came to mind, the interesting thing about this activity is afterwards taking a look at what is *new*, and also the order in which you added things...

• 26*
• intern*
• Jordanian resident
• Jordanian firm employee
• sustainability consultantancy employee
• female/woman
• Chinese
• American (note, not Chinese-American....)
• university graduate
• Gen Y
• able
• vegetarian
• girlfriend
• Christian*
• employed*
• Shmeisani resident*
• Asian
• middle class
• flatmate
• daughter
• sister
• aunt
• cousin
• single (a.k.a. not married)

Simple trends: my new job is a big part of my life, religion usually doesn't come onto my list except as afterthought, not surprisingly (and slightly sadly) my role in my family is less forward after months away, and.... yay that vegetarian isn't toooo salient - its been easy here haha.

Most Aware: with strangers

1. Female. Walking around in the streets alone, of course it is extremely safe in Jordan, but I am most accutely conscious that I'm female. From the gawking and hooting to the attention and care, this piece of my ID is most unavoidable.
2. Middle Class. I realized with my flatmate that in most places we've lived, the classes are mostly separated within the city (ha, or suburb.) We compared to our experiences in NYC or Mexico City even, and you typically do within minutes see the full range of socio-economic classes to this extent. Here it is a relatively small city, so all those differences found in most cities are compressed into fewer square miles.
3. Asian. Of course in other contexts this is something strangers see, but here I am assumed to be from Asia of course (obviously not the case in most place in the states.)
4. American. This is for when I'm in business meetings with strangers whereby whether you are Arab or from the West really affects perceptions and context.

Most Aware: with acquaintances

1. Intern. Obvs.
2. Vegetarian. Well you know, when hanging out, we eat! ;p
3. 26. Friends here range from 30s, twenties, to early twenties/teens. The last few years, my constant daily network didn't have such a range, so here I sense it a lot with regards to maturity and behaviour and my expectations of others.

K, didnt plan to do full activity; thought this bit was interesting.

Ya'allah bye! :)

"A different way to think about creative genius"

Extrapolated from an email to my AI team:

At the end of my term on AI, we had a session where we discussed "peaks in life" - acheivement peaks, nothing pervy. Anyways, I left the session feeling a sense of dissonance I could not pinpoint. The main idea that I felt was communicated was: "You should fear not peaking again. Plan your life so that you can be sure it will happen." This may not be what the presenter's purpose was, or what others took away from it, but nevertheless that is how the me of that day saw the message, and it didn't digest well. 9 months later, I figured out why while watching this TED Talk with Elizabeth Gilbert.

Of course, nearly all TED talks are inspiring and brilliant but this one really struck a chord with me, not only because her recent book left a deep impression on me, but because she speaks of the creativity genius of artists - and the pain that often comes from the creative process. I think for those of us, whom I will generalize as dreamers working for a better world, this need and feeling and source or creativity is no different. Picturing a global society that is not entirely like the one we see today is extremely mentally challenging. The challenge of any activist is to keep the dream alive of something you have actually never seen, perhaps for more than a glimpse here or there. You strive your entire life to make a mere moments of reality of vision become a living, constant reality.

She speaks of and understands the lunacy of dreamers, when misdirected. I know I have felt this.

Circling back to my initial connection with the session at the end of my AI term, I think her ideas speak to the great successes we have already seen in our lives and a great perspective on how to never fear to not have that light shine again. What's more, we should not anticipate this light. We should not plan for this light,k persay, but rather be ready to accept it when it comes, and just do our damn well best in the meantime. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW! Bring it on, life.

Yes... so... for the sake of your sanity and self love - watch this:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=66876484323&h=QJjl0&u=dXRLm&ref=mf

Happy Happy Joy Joy

[Posted from March 24, 2009]

Jes. Things are lovely here. I am a very happy Shirley. There are so many thing attributing to my happiness. I think from a contextual perspective, I think one thing that feels really special is that this is my first time in a new country where I didn’t have some “role”… where nearly NO ONE treats me a bit differently because of my job title. I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but really, in the context of the last 3 years, this is a refreshing gift – not because I was miserable the last years because of it, but its just a new fresh found freedom. Then there is the fact that I am not working, after having learned very truly, that work is wonderful, valuable, exciting, but in the end, I do not live for work. It is just one dimension of my sense of self. This is a nice shift for me, given my previous work experience and cultural context, w.r.t. the role of work in US culture / American’s sense of self/worth, and even Chinese culture. So those are a few amongst some more macro level reasons I’m peaceful happies.

Then, really, AIESEC Jordan rocks my socks. There is this GREAT, friendly, intense energy from the members both as a group and individually. And this stems from the broader context of INCREDIBLE hospitality of Jordanians. It is a dream. People seem so selfless as hosts and ambassadors of the Middle East in my life. From my airport pickup, to my full day tour of Jordan with my intern buddy Ahmad and his brother, to my very sweet reception party, to the birthday party for Francis, one of the interns, that I just got home from… its really a thrill and pleasure to meet with these great people. And speaking of interns, there is a really lovely intern / CEED / intl MC community in Amman right now. This dynamic will surely ebb and flow during the year, its own system that is changing, but its really lovely people. I feel quite blessed to meet the people that are here. Especially wonderful have been Ahmad and Deborah, who check up on my constantly to see if I’m well, and are always willing to help me when I need anything, although really, everyone is generous and great. Gah.

Being in Jordan is in and of itself another pleasure and huge contributor to the bliss I feel. Yes, as the theory goes, overall, I am in the honey moon period of being in a new country… but sod it. That’s part of the experience. Live up the bliss and live up the pain. So right now, I’d rather just be happy I’m happy than worry about possible downturns. Its good enough I know that its possible. Oh dear, I digress. So Jordan. Gah! Wonderful, beautiful, yay. I am in Amman, and have yet much to explore here, but was lucky enough to see the Roman amphitheatre, citadel, and a great archaeological museum, eat at some of the classic places here (Jafra, Hashim), and generally drive through lots of different areas. And last weekend I was in Qaraq walking through a FLIPPING MASSIVE brilliant castle. It was sick. You could be walking down a corridor and there’d just be a dark staircase leading off to who knows what and you could see whatever you wanted. No, I wasn’t that adventurous, but just the fact that we (me, Cecilia, and Sasha) COULD have gone adventuring is badass enough, thanks.

Other fun things about Jordan so far (yay for many months of learning yet to come) include… the FOOD. Some people still guffaw at the fact I don’t eat meat, but its seriously so much easier to go meatless here. That’s one thing. Also, um yes, yum. Not to mention cheap. For those of you relying on Trader Joe’s for hommus, imagine getting that normal size tub, about an inch tall, for $.50… but wait... what’s more – its fresh and damn yummier. The hommus that has been in my fridge for the last 3 days is JUST starting to taste like what it tastes like when I get it in the US. Haha. And yay for falafel. And yay for yoghurt. And yay for brilliant breakfast foods like zitar… purr. And yay for sickly cheap veggies for cooking.

Other stuff I’ve experienced so far, that I just enjoy and find interesting, is the fact that you have a weekly allowance of water, and if you exceed that, then deal with it (for your apartment – shower/kitchen sink/etc). A coffee café (Gloria Jean’s) bigger than any I’ve ever been to before – its like its own library but just tables and people, wtf. Its normal to leave home with just $15 cash for the day, nothing else, no extra credit cards, etc. (This took a few days for my risk aversity to adjust to). Its flipping cold here – it’s not all hot and deserty nonstop like the stereotype… And I figured that, but I was shocked that it is like SICK cold! Jes… that’s some of it.

About work: Its been lovely thus far. The office is quite pretty and fresh and in a lovely area in Amman, dangerously close to a massive Zara and Mango. (and by the way, yes, don’t worry, there is a quite large Calvin Klein underwear opening, so I’m all set). The people are all smart, friendly, and pleasant. Most notably Barbara, who was also an intern, is really helpful in my transition. I never feel too overwhelmed or underworked. She’s great. And there is a really freaking nice guy, Mohammad, who picks me up and drops me off from work since he lives near me. It’s such a blessing. Besides Barbara and Darin, the people I work with are Jordanian, so yes, all the same things apply that I mentioned before about being really friendly and hospitable and thoughtful. Thus far the projects I’m working on are interesting and I enjoy the work itself. I guess I feel a bit weird disclosing specific stuff about work since this is a public blog… so jes.

Um, random other happy stuffs is my apartment. Its been a bit of a gong show actually, but OVERALL, I like it a lot. Its just for a month for now, as I’m supposed to be moving into a new flat with 2 new folks who are arriving in a few weeks, but I’m enjoying it. It’s a studio, and the furniture and overall set up is quite nice. At first I didn’t have hot water and a fridge and stove, but it was actually manageable since the first week I ate out a lot to stay social, and there is an intern/ational flat nearby that I could walk to in 5minutes to shower. So anyways, all those things are sorted out, and so this weekend I was able to do massive grocery shopping, so I’m also on cloud nine from finally cooking a proper meal today. Yes, it was spaghetti, which isn’t the most complicated dish, but the sauce was just to my liking with shredded carrots and red pepper, garlic, onions, tomato, tomato paste, quite great basil and oregano and parsley, olive oil, and my latest happy marinara ingredient – hot peppers. Yummmmmmmm! Its always nice to have a meal just how you wanted, and its nice for me to feel comfortable cooking in my kitchen after 2 weeks of relying on eating out.

Alright. That’s a “snapshot” of the happy happy joy joy in my life. Although I’m not sure this qualifies as a snapshot… since its long, and not brief, and not a photo… ;p Jes. Sleepy now. Nights.

Marhaba from Amman! – Context Post :)

[Posted from March 24, 2009]

So I’m about 2 weeks behind on updates about my new adventure in Jordan due to a) non-stop busy-ness / madness / social stuffs / fun / happies, b) no internet at my apartment, and c) for some reason I have not been able to post on blogger. So now I am just at home finally with a bit of time to just relax and write this offline. And probably in the next day or two when I post this if it doesn’t work on blogger then I’ll just resort to facebook notes. Jes.

Ok. So first thing. Wow. I have a job. When did that happen? It was quite an abrupt end to both my happy holidays and to my job hunt. I had spent August – January really learning to enjoy life, people, and not value only productivity, pain, and development. In some ways it was quite a shift from the past few years, or rather, my life, in the sense of my value of work and peace, but in some ways it was just a logical extension of my character. It seems paradoxical, but I was ever as curious and disciplined about the act of learning with regards to peace and enjoyment, as I had been about leadership and performance. Before the holidays, and often times during, I got advice from people about taking some time off, supplemented my learning with reading, and of course, reflected on the experience to see how I was reacting and to be sure I was on track with remembering the purpose - conscious peaceful living.

Right. So my job. I started the whole soul searching reflection process throughout December, and had planned since April, to finally let myself start dreaming of my next steps in January. Indeed it was a specific choice and effort to focus on dreaming and not worrying about my career. Well, January came and went – Carolyn visited, Sarah visited, the Pimppad had a glorious reunion, and Joyce’s Bachelorette in Disney was brilliant. Suddenly it was February and I thought: SHIT. I am a worthless lazy sack of crap. GET ON THIS! So in that ½ week back from Disney I applied to 2 positions, was selected for an interview for one, and before the interview the next week, had set up a phone call with Darin.

Well short story short – by the end of my call with Darin it was nearly settled – I was on my way to spend next year in Amman. Of course before finally confirming, I did extensive and nonstop research about facts about Amman for my family’s peace of mind, before breaking the news. And within a week my flight was booked!

The internship is for one year at a firm called “Sustainability Excellence Arabia”. My boss, Darin, started this firm about 2 years. He’s a former PAI, but more importantly, a former MCP of AIESEC Canada. Woot woot! It was lucky I had thought a lot about what I was looking for and the types of paths I was interested in, because I knew when speaking to him about the firm’s work and intention and my learning opportunities it was a great fit straight away. The firm does management consulting, with sustainability as the lens of opportunity, as well as work on reporting, papers, and development of sustainability leadership business networks – and all of this across the Middle East. I was looking for such a firm – where there is both micro and macro level work / approaches – I’d felt so torn feeling that I needed to choose either working on change via business or institutions, but not both. I was also looking for a firm working in sustainability in the real sense of the word – not just environmental development, but economic and social. HURRAH! I had spoken to someone at SustainAbility just a few weeks prior, and the description of the firm was quite similar, just with a different market focus regionally, and asked her specifically: Cool, so your you currently have a hiring freeze, but can you please please please recommend other firms that have the same ambition and scope of work as SustainAbility? And she said: Frankly, there aren’t many. Many of the other notable sustainability consulting firms are purely environmentally focused. I was pretty let down, but also felt good that I had more clarity on the type of firm I wanted to work for… so yes, the point is, where I am working now is actually exactly what I was looking for…but I figured in some years, not… now! Yes, so the weekend this all came to pass I was quite hyper happy to get this opportunity.

Then of course, reality hit. I was feeling pretty dragged down by the reactions I was getting from some… some people were thrilled for me. Others, simply out of being over protective, for example, were less outwardly happy. And of course, I was outright angry in some cases, for example – picking up the kids at daycare with my sister, someone’d ask what I’m doing next, and I say: Oh, I’m moving to Jordan. And the reactions would be: “Oh goodness! Is that safe?” “You won’t be able to come home much will you?” “Wow, that’s far, ah?” I was definitely biased and sensitive, but really there was this doubtful unsupportive worried look on peoples faces… I was angry because I remember the looks when I said I was moving to Holland. It was interest, excitement. That sort of thing.

And of course, I had other emotions: at the end of the day, this would be my first time just packing and moving for a full year in a very new context. I had lived in Toronto and Holland, and although VERY different in many ways, still similar the US in the sense that they are still western cultures, and of course, “developed.” And of course I have been to many countries in Asia, but it is not the same visiting for 1-2 weeks and living somewhere for a year… where you really experience the full stages of “culture shock/experience” – if something is uncomfortable, you have to really experience it, you can’t just leave the country. Although I seem quite adventurous in some people’s eyes, I’m actually quite risk averse, sensitive, and weigh my decision quite carefully. I had applied to the MC of Egypt the same year I applied to be MC RVP Canada, but decided to focus on my Canadian and US options, because I wanted my first year out of college to be productive/effective, and not “sacrifice productivity” for the cultural experience, which I felt I was not ready for and would be quite consuming, albeit in good ways, of my attention. So this move was/is really special to finally have the courage to take the jump. Its strange… some days, or rather, most days/times, I felt like it was no big deal at all. I thought: “Whatever! I’ve been to 30 countries, I’ve been to Egypt and Turkey (yes, not Middle East but was in city v. near Syria), its just a year, whatevs!” But of course, there were moments I thought: “Oh my crap. What am I doing. I am 25. How can I still be adventurous? Stop this. You’re going to exhaust yourself. And you’re moving to the Middle Eas? Really? Why? Be normal. This is not normal. Your friends have stopped these adventures. Crap. Crap. What have I done? It’s a YEAR! A whole YEAR!” I guess I just felt the need to share this since this freaking out is natural and happens to the best of us… I feel sometimes just because of the type of peers I have from AIESEC, that on the one hand we make exchange so important, but then when we do it or talk about people’s experience and feelings, we try to make it so trivial… blasé. Trying to explain this better… Its like its so normal that I’m going to (am in) Jordan in some contexts, that I have to remind myself this IS special and scary and great because it scary! Special thanks to Vikas and my dear cousin Jen for reminding me that this is exciting, when I forget to be excited and conscious. :)

I’ll wrap up this post and try to see how on earth to frame my thoughts about being here in Jordan… Its been 2 weeks already… I have SO much on my mind. Every single day has been extraordinary. Too formidable a task to play catch up on sharing the time here so far… gahhhhhhhhhh.

TGIF! :)

Yes, I am now in the Middle East, where the weekend starts Thursday night, but GAHHHH! I LOVE FRIDAYS! Just sunshine and serenity... time to recooperate. After such a long break of no work and every day was a "weekend", I once again appreciate the weekend.

Also, yay. My blog is working / publishing again. So I can transfer some posts in and get back on track. Hip hip hooray! Slash... I cannot adjust the font now. That's a strange new development. Bugger.

Bopping to the the sweet sounds and rhythm of life... -s

True CV

Jetlagged, random ideas in my mind.

I was reminiscing about really positive happy times in my life, not longingly, just smiling. Then I thought - you know, moments like that are really things I am proud of.

Then I thought, hey! Its funny how we spend so much time bringing clarity and eloquence to our professional accomplishments in resumes/CVs, but rarely for the things we are deep deep proud of.

THEN I thought, sheesh. That would be so awks for people to know about those types of things. It was already challenging enough last year, for example, when Gabiza made each of us (AI0708) stand up in front of the team and say what we have accomplished confidently, and those were mostly professional accomplishments, or things about sports, at least. Then I thought - sheesh, that's kind of sad that I bet a lot of people, including myself, would really be so shy to allow ourselves to be proud of doing good things. Then I thought about how those "25 random facts" types stuffs seem like the main kind of alternate outlets for reflecting and saying things that you really think are neat.

Us Gen Ys are funnies. I guess at least its good its happening in some shape or form.

I think clarity on these moments would definitely be valuable. Personally, along the same frame of "positive leadership", its good to know in which situations or environments you are shining, thriving. Yes of course what you have done is not exactly who you are, but this consciousness of what drives you would contribute to your sense of self. And interpersonally it would add a new dynamic for how people connect, judge, or what have you, than just what you do at work or even what your hobbies are.

Eureka, yet another fun self-concocted self-awareness reflection thinger! Less talk, more do. What would be some of the things on my true CV?

- making the credits of a film about cancer played at an independent film festival just for stopping in on a patient and having down to earth fun talk while playing connect four and other silly kids games, while volunteering on the oncology ward at Mott's Children Hospital - he ended up shooting a documentary about his experience. perhaps sticks out more in my mind since he passed away some months after I attended this screening :(
- every time I learn from and facilitate the privilege walk - the reactions of individuals who had an a-ha and hearing when its continued
- sitting down with someone at IPM06 who was clearly feeling out and just smiling and being normal and that person thanking me, letting me know they appreciated it and felt more confident and "in" at end of conf. yay inclusiveness (specific instance, not a general one)
- finding out a friend of mine was in the midst of a year or nomading and had no camera, heading straight to best buy and buying one, and shipping it to her under the pretense that she thought and still thinks it was an old camera one of my mom's church friends didn't need (yay that she doesn't know my blog site, hehe)

Jes. That would be part of it. Thinking as a faci: how did it feel to write those things knowing I'd click "publish post" after? Well, quite awks. I had a lot of things in my mind but when I started typing I felt a bit shy about writing them out and careful about how I wrote them to make sure I didn't seem like a conceited self righteous freak of nature, because somehow being happy for being nice feels super bad, but being proud about increasing performance of an org is super ok.

Makes me think of the concept of "closeting". Of the ways that we can feel ashamed about parts of who we are and keep them in the dark. Are we closeting goodness?!? Jes, of course, it would be strange to go around telling people: I'm a good person! Look at me! LOOK! Seems to defeat the purpose of having done the nice deed. And even to walk around in your head humming "damn it feels good to be a gansta" and thinking: wowww, I am the shittttt. But I do sometimes even feel bad for even feeling happy about myself when I do something nice. Sounds deranged, but don't put it past me and my outrageous self critical guilt complex! So yes, I reckon I'll think a bit more about this and also will try to remember this question in my mind next time I'm talking to someone and feel compelled to say, "so what do you do?", or, "some weather we've got, eh?" :)