Marhaba from Amman! – Context Post :)
[Posted from March 24, 2009]
So I’m about 2 weeks behind on updates about my new adventure in Jordan due to a) non-stop busy-ness / madness / social stuffs / fun / happies, b) no internet at my apartment, and c) for some reason I have not been able to post on blogger. So now I am just at home finally with a bit of time to just relax and write this offline. And probably in the next day or two when I post this if it doesn’t work on blogger then I’ll just resort to facebook notes. Jes.
Ok. So first thing. Wow. I have a job. When did that happen? It was quite an abrupt end to both my happy holidays and to my job hunt. I had spent August – January really learning to enjoy life, people, and not value only productivity, pain, and development. In some ways it was quite a shift from the past few years, or rather, my life, in the sense of my value of work and peace, but in some ways it was just a logical extension of my character. It seems paradoxical, but I was ever as curious and disciplined about the act of learning with regards to peace and enjoyment, as I had been about leadership and performance. Before the holidays, and often times during, I got advice from people about taking some time off, supplemented my learning with reading, and of course, reflected on the experience to see how I was reacting and to be sure I was on track with remembering the purpose - conscious peaceful living.
Right. So my job. I started the whole soul searching reflection process throughout December, and had planned since April, to finally let myself start dreaming of my next steps in January. Indeed it was a specific choice and effort to focus on dreaming and not worrying about my career. Well, January came and went – Carolyn visited, Sarah visited, the Pimppad had a glorious reunion, and Joyce’s Bachelorette in Disney was brilliant. Suddenly it was February and I thought: SHIT. I am a worthless lazy sack of crap. GET ON THIS! So in that ½ week back from Disney I applied to 2 positions, was selected for an interview for one, and before the interview the next week, had set up a phone call with Darin.
Well short story short – by the end of my call with Darin it was nearly settled – I was on my way to spend next year in Amman. Of course before finally confirming, I did extensive and nonstop research about facts about Amman for my family’s peace of mind, before breaking the news. And within a week my flight was booked!
The internship is for one year at a firm called “Sustainability Excellence Arabia”. My boss, Darin, started this firm about 2 years. He’s a former PAI, but more importantly, a former MCP of AIESEC Canada. Woot woot! It was lucky I had thought a lot about what I was looking for and the types of paths I was interested in, because I knew when speaking to him about the firm’s work and intention and my learning opportunities it was a great fit straight away. The firm does management consulting, with sustainability as the lens of opportunity, as well as work on reporting, papers, and development of sustainability leadership business networks – and all of this across the Middle East. I was looking for such a firm – where there is both micro and macro level work / approaches – I’d felt so torn feeling that I needed to choose either working on change via business or institutions, but not both. I was also looking for a firm working in sustainability in the real sense of the word – not just environmental development, but economic and social. HURRAH! I had spoken to someone at SustainAbility just a few weeks prior, and the description of the firm was quite similar, just with a different market focus regionally, and asked her specifically: Cool, so your you currently have a hiring freeze, but can you please please please recommend other firms that have the same ambition and scope of work as SustainAbility? And she said: Frankly, there aren’t many. Many of the other notable sustainability consulting firms are purely environmentally focused. I was pretty let down, but also felt good that I had more clarity on the type of firm I wanted to work for… so yes, the point is, where I am working now is actually exactly what I was looking for…but I figured in some years, not… now! Yes, so the weekend this all came to pass I was quite hyper happy to get this opportunity.
Then of course, reality hit. I was feeling pretty dragged down by the reactions I was getting from some… some people were thrilled for me. Others, simply out of being over protective, for example, were less outwardly happy. And of course, I was outright angry in some cases, for example – picking up the kids at daycare with my sister, someone’d ask what I’m doing next, and I say: Oh, I’m moving to Jordan. And the reactions would be: “Oh goodness! Is that safe?” “You won’t be able to come home much will you?” “Wow, that’s far, ah?” I was definitely biased and sensitive, but really there was this doubtful unsupportive worried look on peoples faces… I was angry because I remember the looks when I said I was moving to Holland. It was interest, excitement. That sort of thing.
And of course, I had other emotions: at the end of the day, this would be my first time just packing and moving for a full year in a very new context. I had lived in Toronto and Holland, and although VERY different in many ways, still similar the US in the sense that they are still western cultures, and of course, “developed.” And of course I have been to many countries in Asia, but it is not the same visiting for 1-2 weeks and living somewhere for a year… where you really experience the full stages of “culture shock/experience” – if something is uncomfortable, you have to really experience it, you can’t just leave the country. Although I seem quite adventurous in some people’s eyes, I’m actually quite risk averse, sensitive, and weigh my decision quite carefully. I had applied to the MC of Egypt the same year I applied to be MC RVP Canada, but decided to focus on my Canadian and US options, because I wanted my first year out of college to be productive/effective, and not “sacrifice productivity” for the cultural experience, which I felt I was not ready for and would be quite consuming, albeit in good ways, of my attention. So this move was/is really special to finally have the courage to take the jump. Its strange… some days, or rather, most days/times, I felt like it was no big deal at all. I thought: “Whatever! I’ve been to 30 countries, I’ve been to Egypt and Turkey (yes, not Middle East but was in city v. near Syria), its just a year, whatevs!” But of course, there were moments I thought: “Oh my crap. What am I doing. I am 25. How can I still be adventurous? Stop this. You’re going to exhaust yourself. And you’re moving to the Middle Eas? Really? Why? Be normal. This is not normal. Your friends have stopped these adventures. Crap. Crap. What have I done? It’s a YEAR! A whole YEAR!” I guess I just felt the need to share this since this freaking out is natural and happens to the best of us… I feel sometimes just because of the type of peers I have from AIESEC, that on the one hand we make exchange so important, but then when we do it or talk about people’s experience and feelings, we try to make it so trivial… blasé. Trying to explain this better… Its like its so normal that I’m going to (am in) Jordan in some contexts, that I have to remind myself this IS special and scary and great because it scary! Special thanks to Vikas and my dear cousin Jen for reminding me that this is exciting, when I forget to be excited and conscious. :)
I’ll wrap up this post and try to see how on earth to frame my thoughts about being here in Jordan… Its been 2 weeks already… I have SO much on my mind. Every single day has been extraordinary. Too formidable a task to play catch up on sharing the time here so far… gahhhhhhhhhh.
So I’m about 2 weeks behind on updates about my new adventure in Jordan due to a) non-stop busy-ness / madness / social stuffs / fun / happies, b) no internet at my apartment, and c) for some reason I have not been able to post on blogger. So now I am just at home finally with a bit of time to just relax and write this offline. And probably in the next day or two when I post this if it doesn’t work on blogger then I’ll just resort to facebook notes. Jes.
Ok. So first thing. Wow. I have a job. When did that happen? It was quite an abrupt end to both my happy holidays and to my job hunt. I had spent August – January really learning to enjoy life, people, and not value only productivity, pain, and development. In some ways it was quite a shift from the past few years, or rather, my life, in the sense of my value of work and peace, but in some ways it was just a logical extension of my character. It seems paradoxical, but I was ever as curious and disciplined about the act of learning with regards to peace and enjoyment, as I had been about leadership and performance. Before the holidays, and often times during, I got advice from people about taking some time off, supplemented my learning with reading, and of course, reflected on the experience to see how I was reacting and to be sure I was on track with remembering the purpose - conscious peaceful living.
Right. So my job. I started the whole soul searching reflection process throughout December, and had planned since April, to finally let myself start dreaming of my next steps in January. Indeed it was a specific choice and effort to focus on dreaming and not worrying about my career. Well, January came and went – Carolyn visited, Sarah visited, the Pimppad had a glorious reunion, and Joyce’s Bachelorette in Disney was brilliant. Suddenly it was February and I thought: SHIT. I am a worthless lazy sack of crap. GET ON THIS! So in that ½ week back from Disney I applied to 2 positions, was selected for an interview for one, and before the interview the next week, had set up a phone call with Darin.
Well short story short – by the end of my call with Darin it was nearly settled – I was on my way to spend next year in Amman. Of course before finally confirming, I did extensive and nonstop research about facts about Amman for my family’s peace of mind, before breaking the news. And within a week my flight was booked!
The internship is for one year at a firm called “Sustainability Excellence Arabia”. My boss, Darin, started this firm about 2 years. He’s a former PAI, but more importantly, a former MCP of AIESEC Canada. Woot woot! It was lucky I had thought a lot about what I was looking for and the types of paths I was interested in, because I knew when speaking to him about the firm’s work and intention and my learning opportunities it was a great fit straight away. The firm does management consulting, with sustainability as the lens of opportunity, as well as work on reporting, papers, and development of sustainability leadership business networks – and all of this across the Middle East. I was looking for such a firm – where there is both micro and macro level work / approaches – I’d felt so torn feeling that I needed to choose either working on change via business or institutions, but not both. I was also looking for a firm working in sustainability in the real sense of the word – not just environmental development, but economic and social. HURRAH! I had spoken to someone at SustainAbility just a few weeks prior, and the description of the firm was quite similar, just with a different market focus regionally, and asked her specifically: Cool, so your you currently have a hiring freeze, but can you please please please recommend other firms that have the same ambition and scope of work as SustainAbility? And she said: Frankly, there aren’t many. Many of the other notable sustainability consulting firms are purely environmentally focused. I was pretty let down, but also felt good that I had more clarity on the type of firm I wanted to work for… so yes, the point is, where I am working now is actually exactly what I was looking for…but I figured in some years, not… now! Yes, so the weekend this all came to pass I was quite hyper happy to get this opportunity.
Then of course, reality hit. I was feeling pretty dragged down by the reactions I was getting from some… some people were thrilled for me. Others, simply out of being over protective, for example, were less outwardly happy. And of course, I was outright angry in some cases, for example – picking up the kids at daycare with my sister, someone’d ask what I’m doing next, and I say: Oh, I’m moving to Jordan. And the reactions would be: “Oh goodness! Is that safe?” “You won’t be able to come home much will you?” “Wow, that’s far, ah?” I was definitely biased and sensitive, but really there was this doubtful unsupportive worried look on peoples faces… I was angry because I remember the looks when I said I was moving to Holland. It was interest, excitement. That sort of thing.
And of course, I had other emotions: at the end of the day, this would be my first time just packing and moving for a full year in a very new context. I had lived in Toronto and Holland, and although VERY different in many ways, still similar the US in the sense that they are still western cultures, and of course, “developed.” And of course I have been to many countries in Asia, but it is not the same visiting for 1-2 weeks and living somewhere for a year… where you really experience the full stages of “culture shock/experience” – if something is uncomfortable, you have to really experience it, you can’t just leave the country. Although I seem quite adventurous in some people’s eyes, I’m actually quite risk averse, sensitive, and weigh my decision quite carefully. I had applied to the MC of Egypt the same year I applied to be MC RVP Canada, but decided to focus on my Canadian and US options, because I wanted my first year out of college to be productive/effective, and not “sacrifice productivity” for the cultural experience, which I felt I was not ready for and would be quite consuming, albeit in good ways, of my attention. So this move was/is really special to finally have the courage to take the jump. Its strange… some days, or rather, most days/times, I felt like it was no big deal at all. I thought: “Whatever! I’ve been to 30 countries, I’ve been to Egypt and Turkey (yes, not Middle East but was in city v. near Syria), its just a year, whatevs!” But of course, there were moments I thought: “Oh my crap. What am I doing. I am 25. How can I still be adventurous? Stop this. You’re going to exhaust yourself. And you’re moving to the Middle Eas? Really? Why? Be normal. This is not normal. Your friends have stopped these adventures. Crap. Crap. What have I done? It’s a YEAR! A whole YEAR!” I guess I just felt the need to share this since this freaking out is natural and happens to the best of us… I feel sometimes just because of the type of peers I have from AIESEC, that on the one hand we make exchange so important, but then when we do it or talk about people’s experience and feelings, we try to make it so trivial… blasé. Trying to explain this better… Its like its so normal that I’m going to (am in) Jordan in some contexts, that I have to remind myself this IS special and scary and great because it scary! Special thanks to Vikas and my dear cousin Jen for reminding me that this is exciting, when I forget to be excited and conscious. :)
I’ll wrap up this post and try to see how on earth to frame my thoughts about being here in Jordan… Its been 2 weeks already… I have SO much on my mind. Every single day has been extraordinary. Too formidable a task to play catch up on sharing the time here so far… gahhhhhhhhhh.
posted by shirley at 6:31 AM
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