Living the Questions
Haha, random note. Let's see if I can write a post without "dot dot dot" in it! ;p
Right, so we just had our team days here in the office. Strange time in our lives (almost just used dot dot dot!) Us directors are just getting back to the office, the latest ones just at the end of this last week, and already it is time to speak about transition and the new year ahead. We ask ourselves, "how are you feeling about the year ending" and yet, it has not really sunk in. It is just like when I was selected as director - It didn't really sink in until 3 months later as I sat in Teilingerstraat 126.
During the first day of team days we did a lot of sharing and reconnecting. As an already obscenely analytical person, this was a bit of a mind fuck for me to be given special extra time to reflect. ;p I came to some interesting conclusions about this year for me, and the indications of what that means about me in general.
I now see that as I wrapped up my year in Canada last year, I was accepting concepts like "I am a not perfect. I cannot give happiness." Extremely valuable learnings and personal development. I realized that in this year the acceptance of my imperfection was not a real issue, rather, walking through my own darkness - acceptance not only of imperfection, but of less lovely things. And learning to not hate these parts of myself.
Another theme from my year was the seemingly paradox of living an extremely challenging, intense, transformative experience, meanwhile feeling incessantly emotionally shallow. That is, it was so intense, that in order to cope, I would take moments of selfishness, self-pity, denial, etc. to give myself the space to recooperate, heal, and be ready for the next intensity. From this I was reminded I did not take this opportunity to have FUN, per say, but to grow. I saw the distinction in my mind between happiness meaning a feeling of enjoyment, but rather, a feeling of fulfillment. And having that closer clarity to my view of happiness, albeit seemingly obvious, was very powerful for me. Its not easy accepting that, yes this year was enjoyable at many many times, but at large, it wasn't incessantly enjoyable, but definitely always fulfilling.
Many questions on my mind; that seems to be the theme of the team right now: so many questions!!! Many are focused around bringing consciousness to my choices; to not misconstrue living a passionate life with jumping through hoops for self-validation. Fine lines? Same thing with different perspective? Let's see.
Right, so we just had our team days here in the office. Strange time in our lives (almost just used dot dot dot!) Us directors are just getting back to the office, the latest ones just at the end of this last week, and already it is time to speak about transition and the new year ahead. We ask ourselves, "how are you feeling about the year ending" and yet, it has not really sunk in. It is just like when I was selected as director - It didn't really sink in until 3 months later as I sat in Teilingerstraat 126.
During the first day of team days we did a lot of sharing and reconnecting. As an already obscenely analytical person, this was a bit of a mind fuck for me to be given special extra time to reflect. ;p I came to some interesting conclusions about this year for me, and the indications of what that means about me in general.
I now see that as I wrapped up my year in Canada last year, I was accepting concepts like "I am a not perfect. I cannot give happiness." Extremely valuable learnings and personal development. I realized that in this year the acceptance of my imperfection was not a real issue, rather, walking through my own darkness - acceptance not only of imperfection, but of less lovely things. And learning to not hate these parts of myself.
Another theme from my year was the seemingly paradox of living an extremely challenging, intense, transformative experience, meanwhile feeling incessantly emotionally shallow. That is, it was so intense, that in order to cope, I would take moments of selfishness, self-pity, denial, etc. to give myself the space to recooperate, heal, and be ready for the next intensity. From this I was reminded I did not take this opportunity to have FUN, per say, but to grow. I saw the distinction in my mind between happiness meaning a feeling of enjoyment, but rather, a feeling of fulfillment. And having that closer clarity to my view of happiness, albeit seemingly obvious, was very powerful for me. Its not easy accepting that, yes this year was enjoyable at many many times, but at large, it wasn't incessantly enjoyable, but definitely always fulfilling.
Many questions on my mind; that seems to be the theme of the team right now: so many questions!!! Many are focused around bringing consciousness to my choices; to not misconstrue living a passionate life with jumping through hoops for self-validation. Fine lines? Same thing with different perspective? Let's see.
posted by shirley at 12:17 PM
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