"A different way to think about creative genius"

Extrapolated from an email to my AI team:

At the end of my term on AI, we had a session where we discussed "peaks in life" - acheivement peaks, nothing pervy. Anyways, I left the session feeling a sense of dissonance I could not pinpoint. The main idea that I felt was communicated was: "You should fear not peaking again. Plan your life so that you can be sure it will happen." This may not be what the presenter's purpose was, or what others took away from it, but nevertheless that is how the me of that day saw the message, and it didn't digest well. 9 months later, I figured out why while watching this TED Talk with Elizabeth Gilbert.

Of course, nearly all TED talks are inspiring and brilliant but this one really struck a chord with me, not only because her recent book left a deep impression on me, but because she speaks of the creativity genius of artists - and the pain that often comes from the creative process. I think for those of us, whom I will generalize as dreamers working for a better world, this need and feeling and source or creativity is no different. Picturing a global society that is not entirely like the one we see today is extremely mentally challenging. The challenge of any activist is to keep the dream alive of something you have actually never seen, perhaps for more than a glimpse here or there. You strive your entire life to make a mere moments of reality of vision become a living, constant reality.

She speaks of and understands the lunacy of dreamers, when misdirected. I know I have felt this.

Circling back to my initial connection with the session at the end of my AI term, I think her ideas speak to the great successes we have already seen in our lives and a great perspective on how to never fear to not have that light shine again. What's more, we should not anticipate this light. We should not plan for this light,k persay, but rather be ready to accept it when it comes, and just do our damn well best in the meantime. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW! Bring it on, life.

Yes... so... for the sake of your sanity and self love - watch this:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=66876484323&h=QJjl0&u=dXRLm&ref=mf

Happy Happy Joy Joy

[Posted from March 24, 2009]

Jes. Things are lovely here. I am a very happy Shirley. There are so many thing attributing to my happiness. I think from a contextual perspective, I think one thing that feels really special is that this is my first time in a new country where I didn’t have some “role”… where nearly NO ONE treats me a bit differently because of my job title. I don’t mean to sound presumptuous, but really, in the context of the last 3 years, this is a refreshing gift – not because I was miserable the last years because of it, but its just a new fresh found freedom. Then there is the fact that I am not working, after having learned very truly, that work is wonderful, valuable, exciting, but in the end, I do not live for work. It is just one dimension of my sense of self. This is a nice shift for me, given my previous work experience and cultural context, w.r.t. the role of work in US culture / American’s sense of self/worth, and even Chinese culture. So those are a few amongst some more macro level reasons I’m peaceful happies.

Then, really, AIESEC Jordan rocks my socks. There is this GREAT, friendly, intense energy from the members both as a group and individually. And this stems from the broader context of INCREDIBLE hospitality of Jordanians. It is a dream. People seem so selfless as hosts and ambassadors of the Middle East in my life. From my airport pickup, to my full day tour of Jordan with my intern buddy Ahmad and his brother, to my very sweet reception party, to the birthday party for Francis, one of the interns, that I just got home from… its really a thrill and pleasure to meet with these great people. And speaking of interns, there is a really lovely intern / CEED / intl MC community in Amman right now. This dynamic will surely ebb and flow during the year, its own system that is changing, but its really lovely people. I feel quite blessed to meet the people that are here. Especially wonderful have been Ahmad and Deborah, who check up on my constantly to see if I’m well, and are always willing to help me when I need anything, although really, everyone is generous and great. Gah.

Being in Jordan is in and of itself another pleasure and huge contributor to the bliss I feel. Yes, as the theory goes, overall, I am in the honey moon period of being in a new country… but sod it. That’s part of the experience. Live up the bliss and live up the pain. So right now, I’d rather just be happy I’m happy than worry about possible downturns. Its good enough I know that its possible. Oh dear, I digress. So Jordan. Gah! Wonderful, beautiful, yay. I am in Amman, and have yet much to explore here, but was lucky enough to see the Roman amphitheatre, citadel, and a great archaeological museum, eat at some of the classic places here (Jafra, Hashim), and generally drive through lots of different areas. And last weekend I was in Qaraq walking through a FLIPPING MASSIVE brilliant castle. It was sick. You could be walking down a corridor and there’d just be a dark staircase leading off to who knows what and you could see whatever you wanted. No, I wasn’t that adventurous, but just the fact that we (me, Cecilia, and Sasha) COULD have gone adventuring is badass enough, thanks.

Other fun things about Jordan so far (yay for many months of learning yet to come) include… the FOOD. Some people still guffaw at the fact I don’t eat meat, but its seriously so much easier to go meatless here. That’s one thing. Also, um yes, yum. Not to mention cheap. For those of you relying on Trader Joe’s for hommus, imagine getting that normal size tub, about an inch tall, for $.50… but wait... what’s more – its fresh and damn yummier. The hommus that has been in my fridge for the last 3 days is JUST starting to taste like what it tastes like when I get it in the US. Haha. And yay for falafel. And yay for yoghurt. And yay for brilliant breakfast foods like zitar… purr. And yay for sickly cheap veggies for cooking.

Other stuff I’ve experienced so far, that I just enjoy and find interesting, is the fact that you have a weekly allowance of water, and if you exceed that, then deal with it (for your apartment – shower/kitchen sink/etc). A coffee café (Gloria Jean’s) bigger than any I’ve ever been to before – its like its own library but just tables and people, wtf. Its normal to leave home with just $15 cash for the day, nothing else, no extra credit cards, etc. (This took a few days for my risk aversity to adjust to). Its flipping cold here – it’s not all hot and deserty nonstop like the stereotype… And I figured that, but I was shocked that it is like SICK cold! Jes… that’s some of it.

About work: Its been lovely thus far. The office is quite pretty and fresh and in a lovely area in Amman, dangerously close to a massive Zara and Mango. (and by the way, yes, don’t worry, there is a quite large Calvin Klein underwear opening, so I’m all set). The people are all smart, friendly, and pleasant. Most notably Barbara, who was also an intern, is really helpful in my transition. I never feel too overwhelmed or underworked. She’s great. And there is a really freaking nice guy, Mohammad, who picks me up and drops me off from work since he lives near me. It’s such a blessing. Besides Barbara and Darin, the people I work with are Jordanian, so yes, all the same things apply that I mentioned before about being really friendly and hospitable and thoughtful. Thus far the projects I’m working on are interesting and I enjoy the work itself. I guess I feel a bit weird disclosing specific stuff about work since this is a public blog… so jes.

Um, random other happy stuffs is my apartment. Its been a bit of a gong show actually, but OVERALL, I like it a lot. Its just for a month for now, as I’m supposed to be moving into a new flat with 2 new folks who are arriving in a few weeks, but I’m enjoying it. It’s a studio, and the furniture and overall set up is quite nice. At first I didn’t have hot water and a fridge and stove, but it was actually manageable since the first week I ate out a lot to stay social, and there is an intern/ational flat nearby that I could walk to in 5minutes to shower. So anyways, all those things are sorted out, and so this weekend I was able to do massive grocery shopping, so I’m also on cloud nine from finally cooking a proper meal today. Yes, it was spaghetti, which isn’t the most complicated dish, but the sauce was just to my liking with shredded carrots and red pepper, garlic, onions, tomato, tomato paste, quite great basil and oregano and parsley, olive oil, and my latest happy marinara ingredient – hot peppers. Yummmmmmmm! Its always nice to have a meal just how you wanted, and its nice for me to feel comfortable cooking in my kitchen after 2 weeks of relying on eating out.

Alright. That’s a “snapshot” of the happy happy joy joy in my life. Although I’m not sure this qualifies as a snapshot… since its long, and not brief, and not a photo… ;p Jes. Sleepy now. Nights.

Marhaba from Amman! – Context Post :)

[Posted from March 24, 2009]

So I’m about 2 weeks behind on updates about my new adventure in Jordan due to a) non-stop busy-ness / madness / social stuffs / fun / happies, b) no internet at my apartment, and c) for some reason I have not been able to post on blogger. So now I am just at home finally with a bit of time to just relax and write this offline. And probably in the next day or two when I post this if it doesn’t work on blogger then I’ll just resort to facebook notes. Jes.

Ok. So first thing. Wow. I have a job. When did that happen? It was quite an abrupt end to both my happy holidays and to my job hunt. I had spent August – January really learning to enjoy life, people, and not value only productivity, pain, and development. In some ways it was quite a shift from the past few years, or rather, my life, in the sense of my value of work and peace, but in some ways it was just a logical extension of my character. It seems paradoxical, but I was ever as curious and disciplined about the act of learning with regards to peace and enjoyment, as I had been about leadership and performance. Before the holidays, and often times during, I got advice from people about taking some time off, supplemented my learning with reading, and of course, reflected on the experience to see how I was reacting and to be sure I was on track with remembering the purpose - conscious peaceful living.

Right. So my job. I started the whole soul searching reflection process throughout December, and had planned since April, to finally let myself start dreaming of my next steps in January. Indeed it was a specific choice and effort to focus on dreaming and not worrying about my career. Well, January came and went – Carolyn visited, Sarah visited, the Pimppad had a glorious reunion, and Joyce’s Bachelorette in Disney was brilliant. Suddenly it was February and I thought: SHIT. I am a worthless lazy sack of crap. GET ON THIS! So in that ½ week back from Disney I applied to 2 positions, was selected for an interview for one, and before the interview the next week, had set up a phone call with Darin.

Well short story short – by the end of my call with Darin it was nearly settled – I was on my way to spend next year in Amman. Of course before finally confirming, I did extensive and nonstop research about facts about Amman for my family’s peace of mind, before breaking the news. And within a week my flight was booked!

The internship is for one year at a firm called “Sustainability Excellence Arabia”. My boss, Darin, started this firm about 2 years. He’s a former PAI, but more importantly, a former MCP of AIESEC Canada. Woot woot! It was lucky I had thought a lot about what I was looking for and the types of paths I was interested in, because I knew when speaking to him about the firm’s work and intention and my learning opportunities it was a great fit straight away. The firm does management consulting, with sustainability as the lens of opportunity, as well as work on reporting, papers, and development of sustainability leadership business networks – and all of this across the Middle East. I was looking for such a firm – where there is both micro and macro level work / approaches – I’d felt so torn feeling that I needed to choose either working on change via business or institutions, but not both. I was also looking for a firm working in sustainability in the real sense of the word – not just environmental development, but economic and social. HURRAH! I had spoken to someone at SustainAbility just a few weeks prior, and the description of the firm was quite similar, just with a different market focus regionally, and asked her specifically: Cool, so your you currently have a hiring freeze, but can you please please please recommend other firms that have the same ambition and scope of work as SustainAbility? And she said: Frankly, there aren’t many. Many of the other notable sustainability consulting firms are purely environmentally focused. I was pretty let down, but also felt good that I had more clarity on the type of firm I wanted to work for… so yes, the point is, where I am working now is actually exactly what I was looking for…but I figured in some years, not… now! Yes, so the weekend this all came to pass I was quite hyper happy to get this opportunity.

Then of course, reality hit. I was feeling pretty dragged down by the reactions I was getting from some… some people were thrilled for me. Others, simply out of being over protective, for example, were less outwardly happy. And of course, I was outright angry in some cases, for example – picking up the kids at daycare with my sister, someone’d ask what I’m doing next, and I say: Oh, I’m moving to Jordan. And the reactions would be: “Oh goodness! Is that safe?” “You won’t be able to come home much will you?” “Wow, that’s far, ah?” I was definitely biased and sensitive, but really there was this doubtful unsupportive worried look on peoples faces… I was angry because I remember the looks when I said I was moving to Holland. It was interest, excitement. That sort of thing.

And of course, I had other emotions: at the end of the day, this would be my first time just packing and moving for a full year in a very new context. I had lived in Toronto and Holland, and although VERY different in many ways, still similar the US in the sense that they are still western cultures, and of course, “developed.” And of course I have been to many countries in Asia, but it is not the same visiting for 1-2 weeks and living somewhere for a year… where you really experience the full stages of “culture shock/experience” – if something is uncomfortable, you have to really experience it, you can’t just leave the country. Although I seem quite adventurous in some people’s eyes, I’m actually quite risk averse, sensitive, and weigh my decision quite carefully. I had applied to the MC of Egypt the same year I applied to be MC RVP Canada, but decided to focus on my Canadian and US options, because I wanted my first year out of college to be productive/effective, and not “sacrifice productivity” for the cultural experience, which I felt I was not ready for and would be quite consuming, albeit in good ways, of my attention. So this move was/is really special to finally have the courage to take the jump. Its strange… some days, or rather, most days/times, I felt like it was no big deal at all. I thought: “Whatever! I’ve been to 30 countries, I’ve been to Egypt and Turkey (yes, not Middle East but was in city v. near Syria), its just a year, whatevs!” But of course, there were moments I thought: “Oh my crap. What am I doing. I am 25. How can I still be adventurous? Stop this. You’re going to exhaust yourself. And you’re moving to the Middle Eas? Really? Why? Be normal. This is not normal. Your friends have stopped these adventures. Crap. Crap. What have I done? It’s a YEAR! A whole YEAR!” I guess I just felt the need to share this since this freaking out is natural and happens to the best of us… I feel sometimes just because of the type of peers I have from AIESEC, that on the one hand we make exchange so important, but then when we do it or talk about people’s experience and feelings, we try to make it so trivial… blasé. Trying to explain this better… Its like its so normal that I’m going to (am in) Jordan in some contexts, that I have to remind myself this IS special and scary and great because it scary! Special thanks to Vikas and my dear cousin Jen for reminding me that this is exciting, when I forget to be excited and conscious. :)

I’ll wrap up this post and try to see how on earth to frame my thoughts about being here in Jordan… Its been 2 weeks already… I have SO much on my mind. Every single day has been extraordinary. Too formidable a task to play catch up on sharing the time here so far… gahhhhhhhhhh.

TGIF! :)

Yes, I am now in the Middle East, where the weekend starts Thursday night, but GAHHHH! I LOVE FRIDAYS! Just sunshine and serenity... time to recooperate. After such a long break of no work and every day was a "weekend", I once again appreciate the weekend.

Also, yay. My blog is working / publishing again. So I can transfer some posts in and get back on track. Hip hip hooray! Slash... I cannot adjust the font now. That's a strange new development. Bugger.

Bopping to the the sweet sounds and rhythm of life... -s